Post by Admin on Apr 12, 2015 10:31:33 GMT
PP: Hello everyone, and welcome to the first episode of Raucous! I'm Plucky S. Preston, Esq. and this my broadcast partner --
CN: Chip Nacho. What? I'm a grown man, I can introduce myself.
PP: Anyways, as you saw with the announcement segment, our owner Dana White introduced Raucous GM Hulk Hogan, and Fierce GM Zeb Colter. Each of them made their first draft picks for their respective shows, and they did not disappoint!
CN: They certainly didn't Plucky. Hogan took the perfect #1 overall choice, and went with Randy Orton, while Zeb made the questionable decision to go with Brock Lesnar.
PP: Why questionable, Chip?
CN: Well, there's just not much finesse to Brock. He's a brute. Orton is the kind of guy kids buy toys of. Brock's the kind of guy that makes babies cry.
PP: So do you Chip. So do you. Now let's take it down to the ring for our first match!
SM: Good evening, and welcome to Raucous! Tonight's first match will be a single's competition between...
SM: BROCK LESNAR! And...
SM: RANDY ORTON! with officiating by AWE's own Referee...
SM: Les Goodfellow! And here he is to explain the rules...
REF: Gentlemen, you have the privilege of being the first competitors for AWE. So I need to explain the rules. Each match has a fifteen minute time limit for a normal match. There is a ten second count out of the ring. The only way to win is by pinfall, submission or count out. Various illicit activities will warrant a five count from me. If you do not adhere to my five count, you will be disqualified. Let's have a great match, competitive, fair, and honest!
SM: There you have it, folks! Let's get this show on the road!
PP: I can't wait, Chip! This should be a great match between two Alpha competitors!
CN: I don't see it going well for Lesnar, honestly. Orton is one of the most cerebral athletes in professional wrestling. Lesnar is an ape. Orton will take him the distance, and wear him down!
PP: Apes are fairly smart, Chip. Here we go, it looks like Les is asking the competitors to shake hands. A great sign of sportsman ship to start the show off right...
PP: Orton extends his hand. Strange for Orton, but I think he gets the gravity of this first match.
CN: Yeah, Orton is being the civil one, but Brock doesn't look interested in shaking hands. Maybe he doesn't understand what's being asked of him? It's not a math problem, Brock! Just shake his hand!
PP: Orton looking to the Ref for answers, but I think Les is just going to go ahead and get the match started. Looks like he's calling for the bell...
:DING DING DING:
PP: ...AND HERE WE GO!
PP: Brock goes for the clothesline immediately, but Orton ducks it.
CN: I told you, Orton's smart. He's three steps ahead of anyone he faces. But since it's Brock, seven steps may be more accurate!
PP: They turn back to each other...
PP: And Orton hits the RKO! RKO to Lesnar less than a minute into the match!
CN: I TOLD YOU! Seven steps ahead. Orton's not even wasting any time. Brock may be a beast, but a slow beast always loses to a quick snake!
PP: Orton's up and he's celebrating. He should really be going for the pin.
CN: Why? It's in the bag. Orton is a multi-time champion. He knows what he's doing better than you. This isn't a hot dog eating contest, Plucky. It's Pro Wrestling!
PP: Orton's not the only one celebrating. There we see the GMs. Hogan very pleased. Zeb at a loss.
CN: Hogan wins, L-O-L!
PP: Did you just say 'L-O-L'? Wait, Chip..Chip!
PP: Chip, Lesnar's back to his feet. He took the RKO, and basically bounced right back up to his feet! Orton has no idea what is standing behind him!
CN: How is that even possible? I can't even remember the last time someone kicked out of the RKO, let alone bounced up right after one...ORTON TURN AROUND!
PP: That may not be the best idea, Chip.
CN: Why not?
PP: OH GOD! That's why, Chip! Because Lesnar may have just decapitated Orton!
CN: NO! Get up Orton! I put a grand on you in Vegas! Don't do this to me. Get up!
PP: The Ref is down checking on him.
CN: Brock has a certain kind of crazy in his eye, Pluck.
PP: No. Crazy means he has no idea what he's doing. Brock knows exactly what he does to people. He revels in it! Chip, they don't call him 'The Beast' for nothing.
PP: Lesnar lifts the Ref up with a single hand, and pushes him into the corner. I don't think he's going to let Les call this match early. Lesnar wants his win.
PP: Brock's got Orton on his feet.
CN: Somewhat.
PP: You got a point. Orton's out. Brock's having to hold him up.
PP: Orton's up!...
PP: ...and he's down! F5! F5! F5!
CN: DAMN! Lesnar just about put him through the canvas.
PP: That he did, Chip. That he did.
PP: Zeb is ecstatic. Hulk's face tells the story. I don't think a single person in the World expected this match to go down like this...here's Lesnar with the cover...
CN: Ha ha ha, the Ref slipped and fell on his face trying to count the pin!
PP: Les is like 67 years old...and can probably still kick your ass Chip. Show some respect.
CN: I'll beat an old man!
PP: And Brock doesn't even show the courtesy of a proper cover.
CN: He's just standing on Orton's face. Orton was my choice here, but -- Brock's got an OG thing about him, I'll give him that!
PP: That's 1...
PP: ...2...
PP: 3! That's it! The first match for AWE is done in a matter of a couple minutes! "The Beast" Brock Lesnar is 1-0 in AWE, and "The Legend Killer" may well need medical attention.
CN: And I'm out a thousand bucks.
PP: Color me indifferent partner. What I am interested in, is that this means Zeb gets the next draft pick!
CN: Lesnar's hand is the first to get raised in our company...
PP: And I don't think he appreciated that. Seems he doesn't like being touched, much.
CN: The Ref is jumping out of the ring. Smart move, I think. Les isn't a small man, but -- Brock's not one to trifle with.
PP: You're right. Maybe you should go tell the ape he lost you a grand to his face?
CN: Don't call Brock Lesnar an ape! Show some respect! Who in their right mind would ever insult him like that?
PP: I don't know, but I do know there stands Brock Lesnar, in the middle of the ring, victorious. If he can come out here show after show and put on a performance like this, get used to that sight right there, ladies and gentlemen. I am impressed with 'The Beast'.
CN: I hear it's time to take it to Hulk and Zeb in the back...
HH: Lucky break, Colter! I want a drug test done on Brock, immediately!
ZC: Sure, Hulkster. But only if you're willing to take one, too?
HH: ...fine. You win. Make your damn pick.
ZC: Why thank you, for blessing me with your permission. But first I have to say I'm damn proud of my #1 guy, Brock Lesnar. Now, to accompany him on Fierce, my #2 pick is none other than...
ZC: CM PUNK!
PP: Oh my God! CM Punk is joining Brock Lesnar on Fierce...are we sure Raucous is supposed to be the flagship show?
HH: Good pick, Zeb. Good pick. But I can do you one better. My #2 pick is the incomparable...
PP: John Cena!
CN: Yeah, Pluck. Raucous now has Orton AND Cena. It's the #1 show. And I'm going to bet Cena will prove that, as the second match tonight will be CM Punk, versus John Cena!
PP: This is a Pay Per View quality card already, folks! And you're getting it here, for free, from A. W. E!
