Post by Admin on May 29, 2015 13:49:36 GMT
PP: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our one-off special match for the WFigs Pic Fed PPV May Day Mayhem!
CN: That's right. Tonight, Fierce star Dean Ambrose will take on Raucous star Goldust in AWE's first Hardcore Match!
PP: And there we see the ring, surrounded by various instruments of destruction.
CN: Sadly, I'm not seeing too many tables, Pluck.
PP: We store those under the ring. Because that's the most common place to store fifty random tables.
CN: Makes sense.
PP: There are plenty of heavy duty weapons lying around, though.
CN: And a lot of cookie sheets.
PP: They're cheap at the dollar store, Chip. We're putting on a show on a budget here, after all.
CN: Another good point.
PP: Let's take a quick commercial break, and get back here for the action!
PP: This MayDay Mayhem special brought to you by Fresh Slate Pictures, LLC's Aftermath, available now at Amazon!
CN: I like zombie movies.
PP: We all do. Now let's get to the ring where the competitors are waiting...
Ref: Alright, gentlemen. This is AWE's first Hardcore match, so let me explain the rules. There are no count outs; no disqualifications; no time limit. You win by pinfall, submission or if your opponent is unable to continue the match. Falls count anywhere. Are you ready?
Ref: Do you understand the rules as I've explained them?
Ref: Let's get to it!
:DING DING DING:
PP: Here we go!
PP: These harbingers of hardcore tie up.
CN: That's a big word Plucky. You sure our audience knows it?
PP: Our audience isn't half as stupid as you are so -- yes.
PP: Goldust sends Ambrose into the ropes...
PP: Ambrose comes back...
PP: And a HELL of a shoulder tackle to start the match.
CN: Goldust is not a small man.
PP: No, he's not.
CN: Wait -- did you call me stupid?
PP: Ambrose is down already
PP: And Goldust gets to work...
PP: Goldust with a barrage of kicks to the abdomen...
CN: That's not his abdomen, Plucky.
PP: No, that's his knee.
PP: And Ambrose clearly on the losing end right now...
CN: What's Goldust thinking?
PP: And Goldust is heading outside the ring...
CN: YES! WAR!!!!
PP: Calm down, Chip.
PP: Seems to be too many choices for Goldie. He's trying to decide what he wants to use first.
CN: The chair. A classic choice. I like it.
PP: Ambrose is stumbling to his feet.
PP: Goldust is heading back into the ring with his chair...
PP: And Ambrose with a baseball slide into the chair, taking Goldust out!
CN: His knee isn't hurt. The big faker!
PP: Or adrenaline just kicked in, and Ambrose doesn't want to go down without a fight?
CN: Psh.
PP: Ambrose now seems to be weighing his options...
PP: He's going for the cooler...
CN: What's he going to do with that? Have a beer? I want one!
PP: And he just throws it down on Goldust!
CN: Aww, it's empty.
PP: Ambrose going with that giant wrench now. He hits Goldust with that big thing, it's going to be over.
CN: That's what she said.
PP: Ambrose stalking Goldust...
PP: He swings!
PP: And misses! Goldust ducked!
PP: Ambrose doesn't look happy...
PP: And Goldust lays him out with a microphone!
CN: I always wondered how something so small could hurt someone so bad.
PP: Well, the microphone is made out of really thick plastic.
CN: But aren't we all made of plastic?
PP: ...
CN: Sorry, just waxing phil and slavik.
PP: Phil and slav -- you mean philosophic?
CN: Him too.
PP: Goldust seems to be setting something up here...
PP: Now he's going for the ladder, not sure what he has planned.
CN: Ambrose is up, too. Goldust better watch his back.
PP: Ambrose has the fire extinguisher. That's a knock out blow waiting on Goldust when he turns around.
PP: No! Ambrose blasts him in the face with the coolant!
CN: I bet that stings.
PP: I bet Goldust is having trouble seeing, too.
PP: And Ambrose drops the extinguisher. Goldie's rolling around on the floor in agony. He may not be able to continue if he can't see.
PP: Not sure what Ambrose is up to here.
CN: He looks to be collecting chairs from around the ring.
PP: Looks like he's constructing something, but he needs to be careful, Goldust is getting to his feet.
CN: What the hell is he building?
CN: I think he heard you mention Goldust getting up.
PP: Chair shot has to be painful.
CN: And the last chair laying around goes on his erect-a-set.
PP: Ambrose admiring his work. Still not sure what he has planned all those.
CN: I don't think he knows either.
PP: Ambrose turns his attention back to Goldust...
PP: And right into the post!
PP: Not sure I like what Goldust is thinking here...
CN: Batter up!
PP: Oh my God! Goldust laid Dean out with that barbed wire bat!
CN: He's bleeding, Pluck.
PP: Now what's he thinking?
PP: Come on now! He's just grinding that barbed wire into Ambrose's skull.
CN: Where's he going? Pin him!
PP: I think these two just want to hurt each other, at this point.
PP: Ambrose is up, but Jesus, that's a crimson mask if I've ever seen one.
CN: Looks like me after my date last night.
PP: Ew.
PP: I can't believe Ambrose is even standing at this point.
CN: Did Goldust throw a trash can lid at Ambrose?
PP: Like a frisbee, and he knocked it down.
PP: Ambrose up and running along the skirt...he jumps!...
PP: DDT!!! DDT from the apron on to the trash can!
CN: Someone get him some midol!
PP: You mean tylenol?
CN: Yeah. What'd I say?
PP: Ambrose is the first one getting up.
CN: I can't believe either of them are moving.
PP: Neither can I, and Ambrose is bleeding all over the place.
PP: Goldust lifted up...
PP: And Ambrose slides him into the ring...
CN: Where's he going?
PP: I think just to get in the ring on the other side...
PP: Ambrose's heart rate is up, and he's bleeding more and more.
CN: He needs to finish this match soon, or he's going to pass out.
PP: Ambrose setting up the ladder now. Wonder what he has in mind?
PP: Up he goes...
PP: And Goldust runs up the ladder after him.
CN: Why don't competitors move that quickly when something's hanging above the ring?
PP: Goldust looks to be going for a suplex off the ladder.
CN: Damn! Ambrose with a hard upper cut!
PP: Ambrose grabs Goldust...
PP: OH MY GOD! DIRTY DEEDS FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!
CN: YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!
PP: Through the chairs.
CN: Do you think that's what he set the chairs up for?
PP: I'm not even certain Ambrose looked before he jumped at this point.
CN: Either way, that's awesome!
PP: The Ref checking on them...
PP: And he's calling for medical care.
CN: No! It can't end like this!
PP: Here comes the Doctor and some security to help.
PP: The Doctor's checking on our stars, and here comes Fierce GM Zeb Colter to check on them, as well.
CN: Psh. I'm sure he only cares about Ambrose.
PP: You haven't been paying attention to the show, have you?
CN: I fade in and out.
PP: And Security stops Colter while the Doctor checks on the competitors...
PP: Oh no. Here comes Raucous GM Hulk Hogan.
PP: Hogan is pissed. He and Zeb are getting into it.
Hogan: Are all your wrestlers insane!? They're just trying to hurt my guys at this point. You're running me out of business you short fat fah -- !
PP: Zeb pushed Hogan!
PP: And Hogan tackles Zeb!
CN: YEAH! Old guy fight!
PP: Goldust just rolled over and put his arm on Ambrose. Seems the Ref saw.
CN: Isn't the match over?
PP: He never called it. I'm not sure either competitor is really conscious.
PP: The Doctor trying to keep the Ref away, but the match is still technically going on...
PP: ...1...
PP: ...2...
PP: ...3! That's it! Goldust just won the match!
CN: We got a winner! This is awesome!
PP: But it's a warzone in the AWE Arena right now. Our first hardcore match has a winner, but something's going to have to be done about Hogan and Colter.
CN: Fire Colter!
PP: Shut up, Chip. That's all we have for you tonight, folks. See you at the next episode of Raucous!